🦋 Why Your Meetings Keep Going in Circles?

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Last two weeks, we talked about “reading the room” and "naming the elephant"—having the courage to speak up when the energy feels off.

But sometimes, courage isn’t enough. You speak up, mention the room feels stuck... and then it stays stuck.

Why? Because you identified the tension, but not the structural gap.

I’ve seen this play out in two distinct ways. I once coached a leadership team that was incredibly "nice." The CEO would propose a massive pivot, and everyone would agree within four minutes. No friction, just smooth sailing right off a cliff. Their organization was failing because they lacked debate.

The next day, I watched a tech startup do the opposite. They argued about a new feature for 45 minutes—high energy, raised voices—but ended up exactly where they started.

On the surface, these meetings looked completely different. Structurally, they had the exact same problem.

They were stuck in a Structural Dynamic trap. To fix it, you don't just need to read the room; you need a diagnostic tool to know why it's stuck.

Read on to learn the framework that turns vague team dynamics into a solvable puzzle, setting you apart as a leader who can navigate complexity 👇

🧩 The Four-Player Model

Psychologist David Kantor developed a framework that changed how I view every conversation. He argued that in any healthy group interaction, there are four distinct "voices" or "actions" required to move forward effectively.

Dysfunction doesn't happen because people are difficult. It happens because the group gets stuck in only using one or two of these voices, while suppressing the others.

Here are the four voices. As you read these, try to identify your default setting:

1. The Mover (Direction)

This voice initiates. It proposes ideas, sets direction, and starts action.

• Sounds like: "I think we should launch the new website next week."

• Without them: The group has no direction; nothing starts.

• Too many of them: The group feels like a dictatorship; people feel bulldozed because there are too many ideas and no follow-through.

2. The Follower (Completion)

This voice supports and validates. They accept the move and help complete it. Actually, instead of “follower”, I like to call this one “a doer”.

• Sounds like: "I agree. I can help write the copy for that."

• Without them: Nothing ever gets finished or operationalized.

• Too many of them: Groupthink. This was Olena's "nice" team. They had Movers and Followers, but nothing else. They walked happily off a cliff together because no one challenged the plan.

3. The Opposer (Correction)

This is the most misunderstood voice. In healthy groups, this isn't being "negative" or an enemy; it is being "critical." The Opposer challenges the move to stress-test it.

• Sounds like: "Wait, we can't launch next week because the payment system isn't ready."

• Without them: Costly mistakes happen because no one challenged the assumptions.

• Too many of them: Analysis Paralysis. This was the tech startup I mentioned. They had Movers and Opposers, but no Followers. Just endless debate and friction.

4. The Bystander (Perspective)

This is the voice of the "Balcony" we discussed in our “Six Habits to Master the Art of Reading the Room” newsletter. The Bystander doesn't participate in the content; they comment on the process.

• Sounds like: "I notice we’ve been arguing about this for 20 minutes and haven't made a decision. Maybe we need more data?"

• Without them: The group lacks self-awareness and gets lost in the weeds.

• Too many of them: Another path to analysis paralysis. Too many people observing on the balcony, not enough ideas and action in the mix.

🏠 What is your "Home Base"?

We all have a psychological "home base"—the role we play almost out of habit - a pattern we keep repeating. Reflect on this:

• Which voice do I overuse and feel the most comfortable with? (this is your home base - your habit)

• Which voice feels the riskiest for me to use in my current team? Why?

• In my organization, which voices get praised—and which get quietly punished or labeled “difficult”?

Growth requires leaving your home base. If you are a natural Mover, your growth edge is learning to Follow. If you are a natural Bystander, your growth edge is learning to Move.

🔍 Reading the Structural Room

When you are reading the room, you are essentially checking: Which voice is missing?

• If the room is quiet and hesitant: You might have too many Bystanders and no Movers.

• If the room is an echo chamber: You are missing the Opposer.

• If the room is a battlefield: You have Movers and Opposers, but no Bystander to break the tension or Follower to find common ground.

• If the room is chaotic: You have Movers and Opposers, but no Followers to actually do the work.

A healthy team isn't one where everyone agrees. A healthy team is one that can fluidly shift between all four roles.

✅ Action Item: Find the Missing Voice

Your job as a leader isn't to just play your natural role. It is to play the role the group needs.

The Challenge:

In your next meeting, listen to the first 10 minutes of conversation. Don't focus on the topic; focus on the structure.

Ask yourself: "Which of the 4 voices is missing right now?"

Then, I want you to purposefully supply that voice—even if it feels unnatural to you.

• If everyone agrees (Followers), play the Opposer.

  • Say: "I want to play devil's advocate for a second—what happens if this assumption is wrong? Let's stress-test this."

• If everyone is arguing (Opposers), play the Bystander.

  • Say: "Let's pause. We seem to be going in circles. What is the core disagreement here?"

• If everyone is waiting (Bystanders), play the Mover.

  • Say: "It feels like we are analyzing this to death. I propose we try Option A and see what happens."

Don't just lead the discussion. Lead the dynamic. Supply the missing voice, and watch the group unlock.

It feels safe to stay in our default roles. It feels risky to be the Opposer in a room full of nodding heads, or to be the Mover in a room full of critics.

But leadership is not about comfort. It is about action!

When you supply the missing voice, you aren't just fixing a meeting—you are modeling what it looks like to care more about the outcome than your own comfort.

Be the voice the room needs ✊

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