What’s Really Going On Here?

Imagine stepping into a team meeting where the energy feels... off. The usual chatter is muted, and everyone seems more focused on their coffee cups than the conversation. The team leader dives into the agenda, oblivious to the tension brewing beneath the surface. You glance around and notice that two team members avoid eye contact entirely, while another fiddles nervously with their pen. It’s clear: something important is happening here, but no one is saying a word.

Moments like this are the unspoken crossroads of leadership. Do you push forward as though nothing’s wrong, or do you pause and try to understand the dynamics in play? Learning to "read the room" transforms situations like this into opportunities for connection, resolution, and growth. But how do you develop this skill?

🤔 What is really going on here?

One of the most underrated leadership skills that no one ever teaches you is reading the room!

In meetings, we're often preoccupied with what we plan to say or what we should have said. This clutters our mind! We become focused mainly on ourselves, paying only partial attention to what's happening—and even then, mostly through the lens of planning our next contribution to the conversation.

What if you let go of that intervention mindset and entered an observation mindset—what's really going on in this room? Who's talking and who isn't? How are the silent participants reacting to what's being said? What's NOT being said? Are there any silent coalitions?

These questions reveal the underlying dynamics in any room. While it may feel awkward at first, with practice you'll naturally read rooms better and make more strategic interventions.

🏆 Start Developing a New Habit

1️⃣ Mentally Step Out of the Conversation: Adopt the "balcony" perspective by mentally stepping back to observe the group. Detach from your own agenda and focus on the interactions and flow of the conversation. Adopt a curiosity mindset. Listen to understand, not to intervene

Practice Tip: Set a silent timer on your watch or phone to go off midway through meetings. Use it as a reminder to pause and scan the room’s dynamics.

2️⃣ Be Present: Focus fully on the moment and the people in the room. Listen to understand, not to prepare your next response. Being genuinely present helps you catch subtle cues and engage more meaningfully.

Practice Tip: Before a meeting, take a few deep breaths and set the intention to listen deeply. Avoid distractions, such as glancing at your phone or mentally rehearsing what you’ll say next.

3️⃣ Observe Body Language: Pay attention to nonverbal cues like posture, facial expressions, and gestures. Who leans forward with interest, and who crosses their arms defensively? Silent signals can reveal more about the group’s dynamics than spoken words.

Practice Tip: During your next meeting, spend the first few minutes observing before speaking. Look for patterns in how people physically respond to each other.

4️⃣ Track Energy Shifts: Notice when the room’s energy changes. Does a particular topic spark enthusiasm or create discomfort? Recognizing these moments can help you identify key issues or power dynamics.

Practice Tip: After meetings, jot down when the group’s energy seemed highest or lowest and what might have triggered it.

5️⃣ Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage others to share their perspectives to reveal hidden dynamics. Questions like “What’s your take on this?” or “How do you think this is going so far?” can draw out quieter participants and uncover diverse viewpoints.

Practice Tip: Commit to asking at least one open-ended question in your next meeting and listen carefully to the responses.

🚀 Action Item

Choose just one item from the list above and try it out in your next meeting, class, or Zoom call (yes, you can track group dynamics online too—that's why I insist on cameras being on in my meetings).

Commit to that one practice and try it out three times to start developing the habit. Then try adding the next one, and so on. This takes practice, but once it becomes automatic, you'll notice things much faster. You'll be able to simultaneously stay "on the balcony" observing group dynamics AND remain "on the dance floor" preparing your next intervention.

📚 Book Recommendation: Leadership on the Line

Consider reading "Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading" by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky. This book delves into the challenges of adaptive leadership and offers practical guidance on how to “get on the balcony” and effectively manage group dynamics.

Reading the room isn’t just a leadership skill—it’s a life skill. It’s about building deeper connections, fostering trust, and creating spaces where everyone feels heard and valued. Think about what would change in your leadership style if you truly mastered the art of reading the room?