🦋 The Real Reason People & Organizations Don't Change

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You say you want to eat healthier, but you keep ordering takeout. Your organization claims to value innovation, but shoots down every new idea. Your friend posts passionately about social justice on Instagram, then does nothing offline. What's happening here isn't hypocrisy—it's the hidden architecture of how change actually works.

Dear Changemakers, let’s talk about Leading Change 👇

🔄 Resistance to Change: When Our Values Compete

Harvard's Robert Kegan introduced a powerful framework called "Immunity to Change" that reveals why change feels so hard. The theory is simple: we don't just have one goal when we're trying to change. We have competing commitments that create an immune system against the very change we say we want. We have a bias towards the status quo!

Take that healthy eating goal. Sure, you're committed to better nutrition. But you're also committed to convenience when you're stressed, to social connection when friends suggest pizza, and to comfort when work gets overwhelming. These aren't character flaws—they're legitimate values that happen to conflict with your stated goal.

This same dynamic plays out everywhere. Organizations say they want innovation while also being committed to predictability and avoiding risk. Politicians claim they want bipartisan solutions while also being committed to not appearing weak to their base. The competing commitments aren't wrong—they're just in tension.

Go deeper into the Immunity to Change framework in one of my previous newsletters HERE.

😰 The Real Fear: Loss, Not Change

Here's what most people get wrong: people are NOT afraid of change itself. They're afraid of the loss(es) the change might bring. Loss of resources, status, competence, relationship, power, etc.

Nelson Mandela knew this. When South Africa began dismantling apartheid, he didn't just call for justice. He called for reconciliation, leading to more sustainable change. He knew that for white South Africans to let go of their hold on power, they needed a path that preserved dignity—not one that demanded humiliation.

Mandela understood that change that heals, not hardens, must also speak to what people fear losing.

When you're leading change—whether it's in your company, community, or country—ask:

• What are people afraid of losing in the face of this change?

• What hidden values might they be protecting?

• What would it take to let go?

Leadership is about values, change is about competing values, and leading change is about reconciling competing values—or sacrificing one value for another more important one.

🎭 Perceived VS Real Loss

This doesn't mean indulging every fear. It means taking fears seriously enough to respond strategically and kindly. Some people might perceive losses that aren't even real. It's tempting to call them foolish or claim they're acting against their own interests—but if you want to be effective, you must understand that even unrealistic fears (like losing jobs to immigrants, for example) are grounded in deep anxiety and feel very real to those who experience them. It's not about justifying these fears—it's about helping people cross that bridge.

And remember, you can't do all the work. Change is a collective endeavor. You can enable people in different ways to face their losses, but they have to do the work, reconcile their values, bare sacrifices. Facing people with harsh truths and tough choices requires everyone to pick up their piece of the puzzle.

⚠️ Beware the Self-Serving Intervention

Now here's the trap: Leading change almost always has a certain moral dimension. In times of moral urgency, it's tempting to intervene in ways that feel righteous but ineffective.

A woman recently posted on LinkedIn: "If you're indifferent to the rise of authoritarianism, unfriend me." The post got likes. It felt cathartic. But was it effective?

Probably not.

Real change isn't posting about how right you are. It's figuring out how to get the indifferent to care. It's strategic, not performative. Impact over self-satisfaction.

So before any intervention, ask:

• Who is this really for?

• How will this move change forward?

• Am I building bridges or burning them for applause?

Because leading change isn't about feeling good, it's about enabling people to actively face the uncertainty of loss that change might bring.

Change creates uncertainty & anxiety that might lead to seeking "mama and papa" authority figures (authoritarians) who claim they have all the answers and say you don't have to change—but are ready to scapegoat others (like immigrants are blamed for everything today) to make you feel better. That's the path to the dark side!

🔄 Paradox of the Conservative Nature of Successful Change

Here's a paradox: Sustainable change is often quite conservative.

Sustainable change preserves more than it disrupts. It respects tradition, identity, and community even as it transforms. Think of a family adopting a new ritual. They don't erase their history—they build on it.

In fact, the most successful change involves only a few key shifts—but those few shifts unlock massive ripple effects. Like one keystone habit that reshapes your whole day. Or one leadership practice that transforms a whole team dynamic.

So ask: What are we changing? But also: What are we preserving?

That second question is often the key to bringing skeptics on board. It signals respect, not recklessness. It shows that you understand that identity is not a barrier to change—it's the platform from which real change must grow.

🎯 Personal and Organizational Applications

For yourself: Next time you're struggling with a personal change, map your competing commitments. What are you trying to preserve that might be in tension with your stated goal? How can you honor both values instead of ignoring the competition?

For organizations: When proposing changes, spend equal time articulating what you're preserving as what you're transforming. Help people understand not just what they're gaining, but how you'll support them through what they're losing.

For social change: Before your next intervention, ask whether it's designed to change minds or signal virtue. The most effective activism often involves building relationships with people who are in the middle, indifferent. That’s difficult, slow work that rarely generates social media acclaim.

⏱ 5-Minute Actions to Lead Change

1. Name a Leadership Challenge You're Stuck On

   Jot down one recurring leadership habit you've tried to change—but haven't. Just naming it is a powerful start.

2. Ask Yourself: What Might I Lose If I Change?

   Grab a sticky note and write the first thing that comes to mind. Approval? Certainty? Control? This is likely part of your competing commitment.

3. Map Your Hidden Belief

   In one sentence, write down what you believe will happen if you change this behavior. Example: "If I give honest feedback, I'll be seen as mean." Is it true? Have you tested it?

4. Write a Safer Experiment

   What's one small, low-risk version of this change you could try this week? One honest sentence in a check-in? One boundary set kindly?

5. Text a Peer to Debrief

   Choose someone you trust. Text: "I'm working on something leadership-related and would love to talk it through. 10 mins this week?"

The world doesn't need more people shouting about what's wrong. It needs more Changemakers who understand what's at stake. Because the moment you name the real barrier, the path forward gets clearer ✊

PS: 🦋 If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please share it with them to support their leadership journey!

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