Stop Hiding Your Struggles—They’re Your Greatest Strength!

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A few years ago, I was leading the main stage at a conference in front of many important people I respect. After the event, a young person approached me with admiration in his eyes. "You have charisma, you speak with confidence—you're a born leader." I won't lie, it felt great for a moment. At the same time, it felt embarrassing and awkward. That feeling led me to a very honest response: "Thank you for your kind words. But you see, I actually barely slept last night because I was so nervous about my part on stage. I'm born a leader as much as you are. I have many doubts about myself. I did prepare a lot for this moment and it paid off, but I won't pretend it was without struggle." His expression shifted from shock to something deeper – recognition, familiairity, perhaps. This wasn't the polished, perfect narrative he had expected. Then he said, "I'm trying to build up my confidence. But now I see that even those who seem confident might have the same doubts."

By rejecting this narrative of perfection, born leadership, and charisma, I created space for this young man to see me not as some impeccable, shiny leader whose heights were unreachable. He saw me for who I am—someone just like him with struggles and doubts. As my friend and democracy activist Srdja Popovic once said, "Admiration creates distance.” Vulnerability humanizes us and uncovers the true path that others can learn from and relate to.

🫂 Vulnerability is the Path to Authenticity

Vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, but in reality, it requires immense courage. People who try to maintain a perfect image of themselves—acting like demigods with special powers —exercise authoritarian behavior. The illusion of omnipotence (claiming to know everything and never make mistakes) may attract followers, but it's ultimately disempowering because it creates unnecessary dependency on authority while promoting false certainty and an inauthentic self-image. It's a lie! The very core of authenticity is mindful vulnerability—sharing both the glory and struggle of your journey. When a leader pretends to be invulnerable, they build a prison of perfection. When they embrace vulnerability, they build a bridge to authentic connection.

❓ Why Vulnerability is Essential for Democratic Leadership

Vulnerability builds trust as people can see deeper into who you are. It models behavior and breaks down the authoritarian concept of the perfect leader. Democratic leaders acknowledge their imperfections, empowering others to see themselves as imperfect beings who are still capable of leadership.

Insecure people are not able to share their struggles, own their mistakes, and growth areas. And the more insecure you are, the more you might overcompensate—and that will lead you to the dark side. Maintaining a perfect, infallible image will always lead you down a path of lies, overreaction, ego-driven responses, and distance from others. By the way, this path will attract people who are ready to perpetuate those lies and glorify your perfection... Well, I'm sure this already sounds familiar, as everyone has encountered or read about these kinds of authoritarian leaders.

✋️ Wait! What About Over-Sharing?

Mindful vulnerability is about knowing the level of vulnerability that a moment, person, or team requires and is able to hold. Recognizing the right moment for vulnerability comes through reading both subtle and clear signals: When someone shares their own struggles first, when they ask thoughtful follow-up questions that show genuine care, or when you're in a setting specifically designed for deeper connection, like a team retrospective or a mentoring session. Sometimes, you might choose to be the first to open up, even before trust is fully established. This "leap of faith" vulnerability can be powerful in breaking down barriers and modeling the psychological safety you want to create.

The key is to choose vulnerabilities that are meaningful enough to build real connection, but not so raw that you'll feel exposed if the response isn't supportive. Start with stories you've fully processed and can discuss with perspective. Watch how others respond: Do they lean in with interest? Do they share similar experiences? Or do they seem uncomfortable or dismissive? These reactions will guide your next steps.

🏋️ Action Item: How to Practice Mindful Vulnerability

While vulnerability is powerful, practicing it mindfully is key. Reckless oversharing or using vulnerability for manipulation can backfire. Mindful vulnerability involves intentional, thoughtful openness that fosters connection and trust.

1️⃣ Acknowledge Uncertainty Without Losing Confidence

Leaders don’t need to have all the answers, but they do need to inspire confidence in the journey ahead. Instead of pretending to know everything, try saying:

🔹 “I don’t have all the answers yet, but I trust this team to figure it out together.”

🔹 “I made a mistake in this decision, and here’s what I’ve learned from it.”

2️⃣ Share Stories, Not Just Facts

People connect with stories far more than abstract concepts. Sharing personal experiences—such as a challenge you overcame or a lesson you learned—humanizes leadership and makes you more relatable. We wrote about storytelling for leadership HERE.

3️⃣ Create a Safe Environment for Others to be Vulnerable

Vulnerability in leadership isn’t just about what you share—it’s also about how you respond when others take risks. When employees admit mistakes or share concerns, responding with empathy instead of criticism reinforces a culture of trust.

4️⃣ Ask for Feedback Regularly

Seeking honest feedback from your team is one of the most vulnerable yet powerful things a leader can do. It shows humility, openness to growth, and a willingness to improve.

➕ Additional Resources

1️⃣ "What Bosses Gain by Being Vulnerable" by Emma Seppälä in Harvard Business Review - A research-backed article that examines how leaders who show vulnerability create stronger connections with their teams and foster more innovative, psychologically safe workplaces. LINK

2️⃣ "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown - A foundational talk that explores why vulnerability is crucial for connection and leadership. Brown shares her research on shame, courage, and the importance of embracing our imperfections. LINK

3️⃣ The "Vulnerability" episode of the "WorkLife with Adam Grant" podcast - Grant interviews various leaders and researchers about real-world examples of vulnerability in the workplace, including both successes and failures. This podcast provides practical insights into how vulnerability plays out in actual business settings. LINK

Don’t forget that a leader who hides their fears teaches others to mask their own. A leader who shares their doubts empowers others to reveal their strength.

🎁 Free Workshop: Navigating Organizational Culture and Politics

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