Is Defensiveness Undermining Your Leadership?

In the late 1990s, engineer Tony Fadell envisioned a pocket-sized digital music player that could store an entire music library. He pitched this groundbreaking idea to several leading technology companies, including Philips. However, Philips' leadership was defensive and skeptical. They wanted to protect their existing business model and way of thinking. Concerned about the risks and protective of their existing CD player market, they dismissed Fadell's proposal. Some accounts suggest that several leading Philips engineers felt threatened by this new idea and influenced leadership to reject it.

Undeterred, Fadell approached Apple. Unlike Philips, Apple's leadership was open-minded and willing to embrace innovation. They recognized the potential of Fadell's idea and provided the support needed to develop the iPod. The iPod didn't just succeed commercially; it revolutionized the music industry and catapulted Apple to new heights.

Philips' defensiveness led to a missed opportunity to lead in the digital music era. This story illustrates how defensiveness can limit leadership by stifling innovation and causing organizations to forgo transformative opportunities.

❓ Why It Matters?

Defensiveness is a natural human response to perceived criticism or threats. Yet, in leadership, it can have unintended negative consequences. A study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that leaders who frequently exhibit defensive behaviors can inadvertently suppress open communication, leading to decreased team performance and creativity.

Furthermore, research from Harvard Business Review highlights that defensive leadership erodes trust. When team members feel their input isn't valued, they're less likely to contribute ideas or voice concerns, stifling collaboration and problem-solving.

🥊 How can I start making progress to be less defensive?

1️⃣ Develop Self-Awareness

🔹️ Identify Your Triggers: Pay attention to situations or comments that make you feel defensive. Pay attention to your physical and emotional responses in that moment. Understanding what prompts these feelings is the first step toward managing them.

🔹️ Reflect on Your Reactions: Reflect on why certain comments or situations make you defensive. It could be tied to past experiences, insecurities, or fear of criticism.

2️⃣ Practice Active Listening

🔹️ Fully Engage: Focus entirely on the speaker without formulating your response while they're talking. Listen to understand, not to respond. Be fully present.

🔹️ Acknowledge and Clarify: Summarize what you've heard to ensure understanding before responding. This shows respect and can prevent misunderstandings. This also creates a bit of a buffer between your trigger-driven emotional reaction and more strategic, mindful response.

3️⃣ Pause Before Responding

🔹️ Take a Breath: A brief pause can help you process the information and choose a thoughtful response instead of reacting impulsively.

🔹️ Consider the Perspective: Use the pause to empathize with the speaker's viewpoint, which can reduce defensive feelings.

4️⃣ Respond with Curiosity

🔹️ Ask Questions: Show genuine interest by asking open-ended questions like "Can you tell me more about your thoughts on this?"

🔹️ Express Appreciation: Thank the person for their feedback, reinforcing a culture of open and constructive communication.

5️⃣ Adopt a Growth Mindset

🔹️ Embrace Feedback: Situations where you feel defensive are your goldmine! This is your opportunity to learn more about yourself, what triggers you and why. It's a chance to understand what's behind someone's feedback that might trigger you, which will teach you how others see your actions.

🔹️ Productive Disagreement: You don't have to agree with their feedback, but the reality is that this is how they perceived that particular situation. Maybe there's some hard truth for you to stomach and learn from, or perhaps the learning is more about how to handle disagreement and even personal attacks in a productive way. The more successful and visible you are, the more of these kinds of situations you might have to handle.

⚡ Action Item

When you feel defensive, you might react strongly because you're protecting yourself from some kind of potential loss. Remember, people aren't afraid of change itself—they're afraid of the losses that change might bring. The key is to uncover what you're protecting and assess if it's still worth protecting. Is it really in danger at all? This reflection can help you avoid overreacting.

Next time you feel triggered, catch yourself before you act and embrace curiosity mindset: "Thank you for sharing this. Can you tell me more about your perspective?" This shows your willingness to listen and learn.

🥳 Defeating Defensiveness: Protecting Growth and Leadership

This Psychology Today article highlights how defensiveness, while a natural response, can severely damage relationships and stifle personal growth. Defensiveness often stems from a need to protect one's self-image, but it prevents leaders from accepting feedback and building trust. The article offers practical tips for managing defensiveness, such as pausing before reacting and reframing feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow. By overcoming defensiveness, leaders can create a more open and productive environment for themselves and their teams.

Read the article here.

Remember, when we stop defending, we start understanding!