Are You Using Power to Serve—or to Soothe Your Ego?

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Years ago, I met a rising leader who was charismatic, bold, and inspiring. But as he gained more power, something shifted. He began silencing dissent and grew defensive at criticism. He demanded loyalty over truth. What started as authentic leadership quietly morphed into subtle control—not because he was evil, but because he hadn't dealt with his own demons, and power became his medicine. He craved constant external validation to feel valuable. He surrounded himself with people who told him he was amazing and avoided feedback that challenged his self-image. Over time, he began to believe his own hype.

Dear Changemakers, if you seek to lead, change the world, or wield influence for good, you must face your inner world first. Because the greatest threat to your leadership might not come from your enemies—it might come from your unresolved self. This month we will focus on power, and today we will explore the interaction between your inner world, insecurities, doubts, needs, and how they intersect with power.

🎭 Unmasking the Power Paradox

Whether you're fighting injustice or leading a team, power amplifies who you already are.

If you carry insecurity or unresolved trauma into leadership, those wounds won't disappear when you're in charge. In fact, power often becomes a bandage for internal hurts. When this happens, you start overreacting to perceived threats and using authority not to serve—but to protect yourself.

This is how good people slip into authoritarian patterns. Not out of malice, but out of unexamined pain. It happens when power becomes a medicine for your ego rather than a tool for positive change.

👏 The Applause Addiction

Here's the question every leader must ask: How many people need to tell you that you're flawless before you believe it? Several hundred? Ten thousand? A few million?

Put yourself in the position of any polarizing figure — a politician, tech visionary, or a local community leader. The very people some see as deeply flawed are simultaneously worshipped by millions who tell them a completely different story: that they're saviors and geniuses. This constant adoration creates overwhelming evidence that can seduce even the strongest minds. When rallies chant your name, the psychological pull to believe your own legend becomes nearly irresistible. This isn't about defending any particular leader but recognizing a universal vulnerability - if we are insecure and need external validation to feel valuable, power & followers will feel like a perfect medicine that we can’t get enough of. This dynamic isn't reserved for famous figures—it plays out in your workplace, community organizations, and social circles too.

The danger isn't having supportive people around you—it's surrounding yourself with uncritical admirers who reinforce your self-image based on their projections of what you represent to them. True leaders do the hard work: facing their demons before they lead others through theirs.

🔥 Power Doesn’t Just Corrupt—It Reveals

The saying “power corrupts” isn’t quite right. Power reveals. It magnifies who you already are. If you’re insecure, power reveals your need for control or admiration. If you’re compassionate, power amplifies your ability to serve. And when you no longer need power to feel whole, power becomes a tool—not a goal. 

When power is a tool, a leader uses it to accomplish meaningful goals and serve others, creating lasting positive change beyond themselves. When power is the goal, a leader focuses on accumulating and preserving their position, prioritizing their status and control over the impact they could make for those they claim to serve.

🔎 The Strength of Self-Awareness

The most stable, inspiring leaders aren’t the ones who hide their fears—they're the ones who’ve faced them.

Insecure leaders pretend to know it all. Secure leaders say, “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together.” Insecure leaders control. Secure leaders create space. Insecure leaders silence feedback. Secure leaders seek it.

If you haven’t done your inner work, leadership will always feel like an act. When you have done it, leadership becomes an extension of who you are.

⚙️ Action: How to Face Your Demons Before They Control You

1️⃣ Identify Your Shadow

What part of yourself do you hide from others—or even from yourself?

Try this today:

🔹 Write down 3 situations where you recently overreacted or shut down.

🔹 What emotion was underneath—fear, shame, insecurity?

🔹 What story were you telling yourself in that moment?

Your “shadow” often leaks out under stress—track the patterns to bring it into the light.

2️⃣ Reflect on Your Relationship to Power

Do this now: In your notes app, complete these sentences:

🔹 "Power means _____ to me."

🔹 "I feel most powerful when _____."

🔹 "I feel powerless when _____."

🔹 "If I had more power tomorrow, I would _____."

3️⃣ Seek Feedback, Not Flattery

Want to grow? Stop chasing compliments. Start seeking challenges.

Do this in the next 48 hours:

🔹 Ask one trusted person: “What’s a blind spot I don’t see?” or “When have I misused my influence?”

🔹 Practice the “second thought” trick: When criticism lands and you feel defensive, pause. Then respond from curiosity, not ego.

Bonus: Create a “feedback council”—3-5 people who support you and call you out. Meet monthly. Make it a ritual.

4️⃣ Integrate, Don’t Suppress

Anger, fear, ambition—don’t exile them. Channel them.

Build emotional strength with these habits:

🔹 In low-risk situations, admit what you don’t know or own a small mistake out loud.

🔹 Try “micro-courage” reps this week: say no to something you usually say yes to out of guilt, or ask a bold question in a group.

🔹 Journal after each: What did I learn about myself?

This is how you become a warrior in the garden—not by pretending you're only peaceful, but by knowing your full range and using it wisely.

5️⃣ Break Your Approval Loop

If your worth depends on praise, you’ll always be a prisoner to it.

Journal on this today:

🔹 Whose approval do I chase the most—why?

🔹 What would I do differently if I didn’t need their validation to feel worthy?

Your leadership expands the moment your worth becomes internally anchored.

📣 Want to Lead Differently?

Reply and tell us: What “inner demon” have you faced recently—and how did it shift your leadership? Your story might be featured in our next issue (with your permission, of course).

And if you know a leader, manager, or changemaker who needs this message, forward this newsletter. They can subscribe here: pulseofchange.org

🎙️ Listen to Pulse of Change Podcast

Learn how Hadiya Mesieh met her demons as she went through her journey from extremist to anti-extremism activist. She reveals how a necessity for a sense of purpose can lead you to belong to the wrong group, how to escape it, and how to rebuild yourself.

🎁 Bonus Resources

🎧 Podcast: The Knowledge Project – "Leading from the Inside Out"

Shane Parrish interviews psychologist Dr. Julie Gurner on ego, power, and the habits of emotionally grounded leaders.

📚 Book: The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership – Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, Kaley Klemp

One of the clearest guides for leaders who want to work from self-awareness rather than ego defense.

🎙 TED Talk: Why You Think You're Right—Even When You're Wrong by Julia Galef

A powerful look at how mindset and self-protection shape our ability to see the truth.

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